Feeling Helpless

Sorry I haven't updated my blog lately. I have been extremely busy settling in and cleaning. The other day was probably the hardest moment of many to come and well lets just say grab some tissues. 

I was busy fixing lunch in the kitchen when my mom called me. I went in the other room to talk to her for a second and when I came back I heard my grandma talking to my grandpa as if something was wrong. I walked in and I saw my grandpa sitting in his chair with tears streaming down his face. My grandma walked out of the room and I went over to Pops in his chair and leaned over to ask him if he was okay. As the words okay came out of my mouth he grabbed me to bring me in closer and just sobbed on my chest. I was practally sitting on his lap as if I was 5 again and holding him asking him what was wrong. He said, "I feel helpless".

Let me back up a little bit here and tell you about Pops. He is a very wealthy and knowledgeable business man and affection doesn't show much. About the past 10-15 years it has shown more and more but I haven't ever seen him really cry. He has always been a very strong and unemotional personal. To be honest I thought crying was never possible. Seeing a 6ft, 81 year old man sitting in his chair sobbing was absolutely heart breaking but the hardest thing was hearing him say that he feels helpless. 

He has always been the provider, rock and the go to man. Getting older I know takes a toll on your mind and body and with him he isn't as quick with numbers like he use to be and he is a bit more forgetful. As a man I know that it is hard to admit that you need help. So I can see why he is feeling helpless. Admitting you need help is always the hardest. I of course told him that he wasn't and that I am here because I love him and I want to help him but that he is far from helpless.

Tears steaming down my face and holding my grandpa as my sweatshirt was soaked with his salty tears was heart breaking. Kissing his sweet little bald head and reassuring him that he wasn't helpless I had to walk away. I had to go into the bedroom and regroup. I couldn't let him see me cry as I was trying to be strong. But why should I worry about being strong when a man in my eyes has always been strong is sobbing like a baby in his chair? I think maybe seeing him cry like that for the first time made me realize what I was here for.

Tender moments like this make me so grateful that Bryan and I are here. I am so happy that we are able to do this. We wouldn't want it any other way and we know that we will be blessed for it.

Please come back and visit. 

XO {ST}