A Caretakers Journey

I am learning that being a caretaker is a deep, personal journey & a very special experience. And given that it is family it is always harder. This past week has not been good for Pop's, he is failing and it seems faster each day. Growing up, at least for me, I would think that my grandparents would live forever. As you get older of course you know that isn't possible but still a part of you feels that they are invincible. Now living with them and taking care of them you start seeing that underneath their superhero outfits that they have some wrinkles, walk slower than before and forget things at times. And it's moments where they then say that they need you and it hits you that they won't live forever well at least here on earth. 

I am so blessed and thankful that I have the gospel in my life. The knowledge knowing that I will see those that have passed on before me and those who will pass on after me, that we can still be a family forever. It gives me strength through the day. It is still hard because you wont be able to physically touch them or talk to them here but knowing that they will be here in spirit watching over me is very comforting to know. 

I don't know when his time here is done but I know that it is coming. I know that he has regrets and I know that he is worried about his family and that is normal and understandable. At the same time I am excited for him because he will get to see his two brothers who died in war and were taken to soon and his mommy will get to hold her baby boy once again and he will get to see his father. I can be selfish and not want him to leave, but I know someday I will see him again and knowing that I can live with him again is beyond comforting. 

Life is honestly to short. We don't know when our time is coming nor do we know our family members time. So set pride, jealousy, angry and hate aside and let go. Now is better than never. You don't want to live with regret. It will eat you inside. Send a card or call them up on the phone. You might be surprised how they will act. Family is family regardless how dysfunctional and how crazy they are. Cause in the end they are all we have.

XO {ST}

Hello Again

Sorry it has been awhile since I blogged. I have been extremely busy and I know that you deserve some answers. Pop's has been doing extremely well. Nursed him back to health and have him working out and walking everyday. That experience of not knowing if he would snap out of it was scary. He is back to himself, well sorta. He is having a bit more memory loss but nothing that we should be worried about. And he hasn't had any blood in his urine or pain well until yesterday. That is all he is urinating now which means I will have to be calling the Dr. in the morning to see whats going on. He is scared and doesn't like not knowing what will happen next. I couldn't imagine what he is going through and it kills my heart. I enjoy every minute of every day I have with him because honestly I don't know how many more days I have with him.

Our Christmas was wonderful. We got the okay by his nurse that we can travel. It was an emotional one for Pop's. After dinner he wanted to go lay down and rest and when I took him in to lay down in the spare room at my parents he just broke down. When he cry's I cry. Well lets face it I cry whenever anyone else cries.  Then when we left to come home he cried while he said goodbye to everyone as if he was never going to see them again. He has days like that where I will find him sitting in his chair just crying and then I will sit on his lap and we cry together. Then I jump up and make him laugh and we go play a game. I couldn't imagine how he is feeling or what he is thinking.

Yesterday we went for a car ride the 4 of us and other than the car needing to be towed it was fun to spend time together and seeing new places. Nothing in the world can replace the memories I have with my grandparents. I have been extremely blessed to be allowed to come and take care of them. I won't lie, it isn't always easy but when I lay my head on my pillow at night I thank my Heavenly Father for giving me this opportunity and strength to be able to care for them. 

These two are not always the easiest, HAHA However they are comical and can play some mean games of tetris. We can sit and play cards for hrs and just talk and laugh. Or sit at the dinner table and Pops and I will make faces at grandma when she isn't looking and just die of laughter. I wouldn't trade these moments I get with them for anything. 

Some things they say are forsure off the wall. But that is what makes them, them. To really see the two of them really loving each other and falling more in love everyday is very heart warming because it wasn't like that growing up. I just know that whatever happens from here on out ready for it or not, the memories will be the best gift ever. He has his days. Some are better than others, but the bast 3-4 days have seem like his worst. 

I will try to blog at least once a week but honestly I sometimes don't have a chance to shower until night time because I am so busy doing things around the house or get stuck playing games and I don't want to miss something. So while the house is quite and they are watching the game I snuck in some time to blog. 

Something that is incredible learning while caretaking is how much you find yourself cheering and becoming excited over little accomplishments they do. It makes them smiling and they become extremely proud that they did it! 

Also standing in the kitchen and butt bumping with your pops, is priceless. Ask me if he would have done something like this about 10-15 years ago, I would answer a big fat NO! He has taught me to slow down with him and enjoy life a lot more and I have them to thank. Trust me, some days aren't very exciting but that is okay. If they are happy and content just watching TV I am okay with it. Why? Because I am able to sit with them and spend quality time with them. 

Thank you to all who reads my blog. I hope you are enjoying it. Come back soon. 

XO{ST}